Sex workers and relationship

I have something I need to tell my fellow SWs. This goes for SWs of all genders, but since I’m a woman, I’m gonna write from that perspective:

Since joining this industry, I’ve run into countless sex-working sisters who exist in a universe where there is tension between their work and their desire for long-term relationship. Sisters who despair of finding a partner who is ok with their work. Sisters who feel they have to actively conceal their work from their partners. Sisters who retire out of pressure and manipulation from their partners, rather than a desire to move on. Sisters who are coerced by their partners into giving up their stability, both financial and career-wise, with nowhere comparable to land.

And nearly everywhere we go, we’re told that this is reasonable. Default society tells us that our work is shameful and damaging; how could a partner be ok with us continuing? We go to brunch with other sex workers and witness or participate in bemoaning the perceived chasm that separates us from supportive partnership. Even our clients (most, not all) seem to hold the reality that if we want marriage, we’ll have to give up our careers.

I’m here to tell you: This is utter bullshit. Yes, sex work is taboo. Yes, it contains fodder that can ignite insecurities and jealousy. Yes, it involves logistics that can be difficult to navigate. But you know what? None of this is insurmountable. There plenty of potential partners (even partners who are men!) ready to embrace you and your sex-work. There are also many open-minded potential partners who don’t flag as sex-work-positive because they haven’t yet had exposure. If you approach dating with the expectation that you should be accepted for who you are and what you do, you will be.

And if you’re not able to find partners who can meet you in your sex work, you’re probably looking in the wrong places. The caveat: You need to be doing your personal work, too. You need to be confronting your insecurities, challenging your assumptions, and pushing your edges. You need to be prepared to support your potential partner in their full personhood, the same way you want them to support you. You need to strive to love both yourself and your partner by holding carefully considered boundaries with strength and compassion.

You can have it all. You can have a committed partnership with someone who loves you for you, and actively supports you in your life and career. You just need to be prepared to do the same for them. Don’t. Settle

If there are any fellow SWs of any gender/orientation struggling with these relationship dynamics, you are welcome to contact me for a counseling session. I have a lot of experience navigating love-in-action, and feel called to offer support.